Disappointments Newly-Weds Face



I recently discovered a wonderful blogger named, Stephanie May Wilson. I appreciate her voice, heart, and great tagline: “Like a Girl’s Night at Your Best Friend’s House, We’re Navigating Life and Doing It Together!” She has produced an impressive suite of books and resources to encourage her BFF’s, plus an un-cluttered but artsy-looking website.  Since my blog is only two months old, it’s nice to see what a fully-developed site can look like.

What may interest you is a recent post Stephanie wrote called, “The Truth About Being A Newlywed (That Nobody Wants To Admit Out Loud)”. Great hook, right? If you are (or someone you love is) a newly-wed or preparing to be one, her post is for you. I’ve included the link to it below.

I was so intrigued by the article that I did something I rarely do: I posted a comment on the blog of someone I don’t remotely know. What possessed me to do that? A dilemma I have faced over and over again in my 30 years of pre-marital counseling and coaching. Perhaps you have faced this in speaking with someone you know and love. See if the dilemma I described resonates with you…


“Wow. Thank you. You’re a wonderful writer and you’ve certainly hit home on this post. As a pastor and life coach, I appreciate the dose of reality you are providing young couples. (As a mentor to young men, I hear the guys’ side more often, so thanks for a window into a young bride’s world). Here’s a question I’d love to hear your thoughts on and/or pose to your readers: What could a pastor/coach/mentor have done in pre-marital counseling to better prepare you for the disappointments common to marriage? I hate to burst the balloon for couples when they’re already so overwhelmed by wedding planning. But when they see the wedding day as the finish line rather than the starting line, when all the energy has gone into planning the wedding and not enough into preparing for life together, is there any wonder marriages struggle? How can I/we help?”

When you read her post, you will understand what triggered my question. When and if Stephanie has a chance to reply to my comment, I’ll share her insights in a follow-up blog (only with her permission, of course).

But let me post the question to you…How can a coach or counselor help engaged couples prepare for the inevitable disappointments of marriage? To that point, Stephanie is clear that, for her, the good/great/amazing outweighs the gnarly in marriage. I hope that’s your experience too. But if you are married and honest about it, you will admit that sharing life and space together can really stretch you.

Have any wisdom to share? A story maybe? I would love to hear your thoughts on the above question as well as to any of these:

  • What issues caught you off-guard?
  • What would have helped you?
  • What advice actually has helped you?
  • What tangible tips and tricks could you share with someone new at being a newly-wed?

Everyone carries a heavy load. Sharing makes it lighter.




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